Wal-mart Night
by Oakfeather
Summary: A parodic one-shot detailing the events of "Wal-mart Night". Crackfic.


**Wal-mart Night**

**A/N: Please note that this is a **_**parody.**_** It's based off the nickname for Walpurgisnaucht "Wal-mart Night". Warning for somewhat dark humor ahead?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Same goes for Wal-mart.**

That wretched night was finally upon them...

Though Homura had endured through this battle time and time again, she couldn't help but tremble. The ticking of the watch on her was the only sound besides her frantic heartbeat. It was almost oppressive in nature; the ticking surrounded her very being, boxing Homura into her private world of fear and insecurities.

_Tick 'You'll lose.'_

_Tick 'Why try again?'_

_Tick 'Can you ever really save Madoka?'_

_Tick 'They'll all be sold out...'_

This was the fate which Akemi Homura had eternally condemned herself to, however, and the best she could do was to bear her weapon and stand unflinching in the face of her enemy... Wal-mart.

The doors of the Wal-mart were sealed tight, but lights had already begun to switch on inside of the building. The glass of the nearest automatic door was tinted, but the light was strong enough to illuminate a small digital sign hung upon the door.

**CLOSED.**

Glancing around herself, Homura felt some relief. Sayaka and Kyouko flanked her, weapons held at the ready. This timeline, she was not alone in her struggle. Unfortunately, though, Mami had already shot herself earlier in this timeline when she discovered commercialization, and that all Puella Magi were doomed to be immortalized in the form of crappy merchandise.

_Tick_

_Tick_

**OPEN.**

Homura tensed as thousands of familiars began to materialize in the parking lot, marching forward in a great parade. They streamed around her and the other two Puella Magi in their march towards the Wal-mart, chanting in horrible, scratchy voices. "Black Friday," "Black Friday," they cried.

"Glory to the Wal-Mart!"

The hands of the watch upon Homura's arm finally struck midnight. The rusty doors slid open with a creak, and Homura and her allies surged forward with the crowd.

Once inside, Homura unleashed destruction upon the familiars around her, firing her machine gun to clear a path down the main isle of the building. She discarded the weapon when it lost its usefulness, only to pull a fresh gun from her shield and open fire once more.

Kyouko followed behind Homura loyally, taking out any familiars who tried to sneak up behind the raven haired Puella Magi. Kyouko had just skewered a particularly nasty looking oxypad with a mustache when Homura turned to thank her. "Thank-" Homura froze.

"What's wrong? Forgotten how to thank someone?" Kyouko scoffed.

Homura ignored the quip and stared down the red-head, "where is Sayaka?" she ground out.

Kyouko's eyes widened. "Oh sh... SAYAKA!"

The roles were reversed as Homura covered Kyouko's back, allowing her to concentrate on finding Sayaka.

"SAYAKA! OY, SAYAKA!" Kyouko shouted, her voice growing increasingly desperate. She violently skewered more familiars, impaling them against a DVD rack.

_Miki Sayaka... always a pain in my side. _Homura thought sourly.

"I'm here, Kyouko!" Sayaka suddenly appeared, leaping above the crowd and straight towards a video game console display.

"GOD D*** IT, SAYAKA!" Homura screamed, enraged at Sayaka's endangering of the mission. "I TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT BUYING AN XBOX ONE. YOU DUMB S***!"

"But they're on saaale!" Sayaka sobbed, falling into despair over the Xboxes.

"NO!" Kyouko screamed. She proceeded to climb into a shopping card and use her polearm to propel it down the isle in the fashion of a row boat.

She made her way to Sayaka, now Oktavia, knocking familiars out of the way frantically as she screamed Sayaka's name.

Homura could do nothing but watch as Kyouko crashed into a large shelf, knocking it over and killing both her and Oktavia.

The only remaining Puella Magi sighed unhappily, but this outcome was nothing new to her. As long as she could protect Madoka, the timeline was still salvageable.

Suddenly, a voice rang out behind Homura.

"The Wii U... they're all sold out..."

Homura's throat tightened, and her entire world seemed to crash down upon her. That sobbing voice belonged to Madoka, her Madoka...

"This is horrible! I don't want this to happen! Uwahhhhh!" Madoka sobbed.

No... NO.

A second voice rang out, "Make a contract with me, and I can change this future for you, Kaname Madoka!" this was followed by a flash of pink light, "Your wish has surpassed entropy!"

Homura fell to her knees, a strangled sob escaping her lips. The familiars around her laughed at her pain as they continued to shop; saving money and living better.

**A/N: Please leave a review if you enjoyed! :)**


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